A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant

Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering

If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?

Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives.

REMEMBER: if u need a FUCK, u can always count on me bcoz F.U.C.K stands for FRIENDS U CAN KEEP. Fuck 4ever, & promise me that we FUCK till eternity!

If you need advice, text me... If you need a friend, call me... If you need me, come to me... If you need money... ........... THE SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED!